tv-quotes

Futurama quotes

2005-08-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

LEELA: I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste!
BENDER: Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.

FRY: What if I don't want to be a delivery boy?
LEELA: Then you'll be fired...
FRY: Fine!
LEELA: ... Out of a cannon, into the sun.

ZAPP BRANNIGAN: You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Now that you're our new employees, I'd like you to have a look at our commercial. I paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl.
FRY: Wow!
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Of course, not on the same channel.

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Quotes from Spongebob Squarepants

2005-08-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

SPONGEBOB: Patrick! You're alive!
PATRICK: I am?

SPONGEBOB: Secretly... I'm a little naive.

SQUIDWARD: Good evening everybody, and welcome to the first ever Squidward Tentacles Talent Show, brought to you by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, 'cause no one else would give it a home.

PATRICK: Maybe a story will cheer you up. It's called "The Ugly Barnacle." Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

Suicide humore from Law And Order

2005-08-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

BRISCOE: I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently here at Riker's that mean that they watch you commit suicide.

Various Family Guy Quotes

2005-08-02T00:55:00.000-07:00

PETER: Boy, she's pretty pissed, huh?
BRIAN: Yeah. Who'd have thought welfare fraud would be one of her buttons?

PETER: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you.
STEWIE: Oh, let me guess. You picked out another colorful box with a crank that I'm supposed to turn and turn until, ooh, big shock, a jack pops out. And then you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.

STEWIE: What the hell is this?
LOIS: Sweetie, that's tuna salad.
STEWIE: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.

Various Simpsons Quotes

2005-07-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

LISA: Mom! Someone threw gum in my hair!
MARGE: Are you sure it's not shampoo? That washes right out.

SMITHERS: I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh... die.

LISA: Oh, Mom, are you sure you want to sell a family heirloom to pay the gas bill? I mean, what would your grandma say?
MARGE: I'm sure she'd be proud that her descendants had piping hot tap water and plenty of warm, dry underwear.

LIONEL HUTZ: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state - often as a lawyer!

Desperate Housewives - Pilot episode

2005-07-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

Carlos: "It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives."
Gabrielle: "Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass."
Carlos: "I made over $200,000 with him last week. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him."

Susan: "So, is that your project for school? You know, when I was in fifth grade, I made the White House out of sugar cubes."
Julie: "Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better."
Susan: "Tell me again why I fought for custody for you."
Julie: "You were using me to hurt dad."
Susan: "Oh, that's right."

Rex: "I can't believe you tried to kill me."
Bree: "Yes, well, I feel badly about that. I told you, Mrs. Huber came over, and I got distracted. It was a mistake."